Location: Indianapolis, Indiana, United States

I'm just trying to develop an online body of work (even if the work is throwaway nonsense) to advance my writing career.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Wonder Full

It's hard not to wonder if Utah Jazz guard Derek Fisher's recent inspirational conduct will receive as much attention as that of athletes who break the law or make offensive comments. Fisher, whose young daughter is battling a rare and bizarre form of eye cancer, began the day in New York City forced to decide whether or not to have Tatum Fisher's left eye surgically removed, and ended it in Oakland, California with a victory against the Golden State Warriors. Fisher's admirable attempt to fulfill both his personal and professional obligations will almost undoubtedly go unnoticed by those prone to making generalizations about athletes anytime one of them gets into trouble.

Tony Blair is resigning as Prime Minister of Great Britain and his replacement is a man who looks alarmingly like Terry Jones of Monty Python fame. One can't help but wonder if Gordon Brown will appear before Parliament dressed in drag and reciting menu entrees like Egg and Spam; Egg, Bacon and Spam; Spam, Egg, Sausage and Spam. Such action could only improve the tone and decorum of global politics.

Is anyone else fed up with the phrase "going forward"? It's used primarily by pseudointellectual drones who employ it as a kind of tiresome replacement for "from now on" or "henceforth." For example, a recent automated phone message promised to save me money on my monthly bills "going forward." A memo from an old boss commenced with the sentence, "Going forward, it will be my policy..." I wish someone could relieve us of this pretentious, awkward, and increasingly insufferable butchery of the English language. Henceforth, I intend to overuse "henceforth" just to annoy the "going forward" crowd.

Will Newt Gingrich hurry up and join the Presidential race already? And how about Fred Thompson? Nothing spices up an election like an actor and an amphibian!

I can't bear it when someone approaches me and asks for my "John Henry" when the person actually seeks my signature on a document. Let's get this straight: John Henry is a legendary figure who is said to have raced a railroad machine, beaten it, but died of exhaustion in the process. The man famous for signing his name in extremely large letters on the Declaration of Independence was John Hancock. One died with the hammer in his hand and the other helped found the nation. They were both important and interesting men, but not terribly similar in their actions or source of notoriety. I wonder if people are ever going to wise up about this.

So obviously, I view the world with a sense of wonder.


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