Location: Indianapolis, Indiana, United States

I'm just trying to develop an online body of work (even if the work is throwaway nonsense) to advance my writing career.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Career Choices

Since, as indicated by a recent post, I find myself a bit fed up with political commentary, I'm exploring new options on what to write about. Maybe nothing will come of this and I'll be back to the same old third-rate satire and unhelpful suggestions within a month, but perhaps I will hit on a new and groundbreaking idea or settle into a staid, boring format that's apolitical, but uninteresting. Keep reading and prepare to be underwhelmed.

One tired, easy-way-out technique I could adopt is listmaking. Lots of bloggers do this. They expansificate (made up word) on their favorite films, favorite books, favorite television shows, favorite songs, but rarely their favorite lists. I don't know very many people who would be even remotely interested in lists of my favorites, but the number probably isn't much different from the quantity of readers I have already.

I could become an online bully or an Internet malcontent. This is easy. First, do a lot of swearing. Also, indulge in menacing rhetoric so people know you're serious. Work in sentiments like "I'm not going to take this "$%& anymore" or "Do you know what'll happen if you mess with me?" Tough talk is even easier on the World Wide Web than it is in person or over the telephone. You can become the punk you've always wanted to be, sticking it to the Man or the Republicans or the Democrats or the terrorists or the immigrants or the foreigners or Big Business or any other group you want to stand up to by bravely posting anonymous messages from inside your house. But of course, this kind of thing is usually at least tangentially political, so maybe it isn't such a good idea.

Another option is the tedious diary. I could dullifalate (made up word) about shopping trips, weekends at the movie theatre, running errands, telephone conversations, and pass along information about my friends and family that even my friends and family don't care about. One of my friends, who is 6'1" with brown eyes and was born in 1970, suggested this to me.

There's always sports. I could feign expertise about athletics and try to get coaches fired. Nothing makes me feel better about myself like costing someone else his or her livelihood.

Clearly, possibilities abound here. Perhaps I could delve into more esoteric material, like a blog about Clifford Hayes and the Dixieland Jug Blowers or a series of articles on Neptune's moon, Triton.

Or maybe I could try all of them at once. Here are my favorite television theme songs:

1. The Jeffersons
2. Barney Miller
3. QI

What? You don't like my list? Well, @!%&, you *#!&!))#$@!)*("\", see if I care! I've had just about enough of &^$!?*# like you and don't have to take that! I decided just today as I was purchasing a soda at the filling station that the Pacers ought to try to unload some of their overpriced players and make "Try and Treat Her Right" by Clifford Hayes their new warm up song. Triton is the coldest known object in the Solar System.

So there.


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