Location: Indianapolis, Indiana, United States

I'm just trying to develop an online body of work (even if the work is throwaway nonsense) to advance my writing career.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Have a Dog Kicking Halloween

Screamin' Jay Hawkins (born Jalacy Hawkins, Cleveland, Ohio, 1929) may have become something of a musical footnote but he's a colorful one. Best known for his rabid love ballad "I Put A Spell On You", Hawkins recorded other memorable numbers such as "Alligator Wine", "There's Something Wrong With You", "Little Demon", and "Yellow Coat", and choreographed a stage show during which he, among other things, emerged from a coffin and carried around a skull he dubbed Henry.

It is around this time of year that one generally hears Hawkins' music and perhaps learns in passing of the vast number of children he allegedly fathered, maybe fifty, maybe more. This might not seem like the eulogy Screamin' Jay Hawkins, who died in 2000, would have desired but bizarre lives lived lead to strange post-mortems.

The constant use of high-profile recording artists to perform mini-songs to promote sporting events is a bit difficult to understand. Most recently, Kid Rock can be glimpsed during the Major League Baseball Playoffs broadcast belting out a single line repeatedly when the station goes to commercial break. How does this help the ratings? Or, for that matter, hurt them? Do baseball enthusiasts who despise Kid Rock give up the sport altogether? Do Kid Rock fans who hitherto loathed baseball now embrace the game? So maybe it gets the artist some free publicity, but otherwise, who benefits? Is it worth Kid Rock's asking price?

Now that the Election is almost over, it will be a while before we get to hear candidates say things like, "While my opponent was punching 90 year old ladies in the face and stealing ice cream from little kids, I was brokering a peace deal between rival street gangs and composing a symphony."

Here's a charge worth leveling at one's opponent: dog-kicking. It could be done overtly or subtly; examples of each can be seen below.

In 2004, Mike Lobotomy deliberately and maliciously kicked a dog. This is the dog, Buster. (photograph of dog looking very sympathetic appears onscreen) Buster died the following year. Did the kicking incident traumatize Buster and send him to an early grave? This veterinarian says yes. (Source and date of quote by veterinarian appears onscreen, although actual quote is not visible)

Vote for Lefty Knucklehead and say no to dog-kicking!

Veterinarian's actual quote in response to question on whether kicking incident contributed to Buster's premature death: "Hard to say, really."

I'm Joe Vintinwhenmen and I approve this message. My dog-kicking opponent, Dame Janet Floop, voted to murder all people between the ages of 52 and 57 and a half in their beds. I did NOT support this measure (candidate was not in office at the time). I'll bring integrity and dog kindness back to whatever office it is I'm running for. Thank you.

Paid for by AADK (Americans Against Dog Kicking)

Actually, the subtle example isn't all that subtle, it's just less blatant than the first one.

Get out and vote. Or don't. But remember, if you don't vote you'll be shot. That'll teach them!


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