The New (Per) Version
It's time I admitted to being an aspiring pervert. Not of the sexual variety, mind you, as I don't care to share that information and if you're the type who's interested in whether I am or not, I prefer you back away from the screen right now. I'm talking about a political pervert. Yes, I have decided to become a contrarian for its own sake and thumb my nose at convention.
This idea came to me in a vision. No, vision isn't the correct word for it. Visit! That's it. I received a recent visit from a political canvasser who encouraged me to support a particularly homely candidate for State Senate. The young woman assured me the man for whom she so steadfastly campaigned was a "fresh face" with "new ideas." She was a nice lady and I accepted her brochures and offered my tentative support. After she left, I looked again at the candidate's face and wondered what a stale face looked like if his was meant to be so fresh. Then I read his vanguard ideas and nearly fell on the floor at their innovation and bravery. Here were the "big three" and brace yourself, because you've never seen anything like this:
1. Healthcare
2. Education
3. Economic Development
It didn't take long to realize I had, through perversely ill luck, happened across a loose cannon. The nerve of this guy advocating education in a pamphlet absolutely anyone could have read, assuming the person was literate. I won't go so far as to say the guy can't believe what he wants, but to recklessly distribute it like that seemed very irresponsible. I also learned this candidate is married and has a golden retriever named "Smokey". Clearly, this is a dangerous man.
To spare my community further ignominy, I have decided to run for State Senate myself. I feel my most worthy qualification is the fact I have no qualifications whatsoever. Furthermore, I'm fundamentally opposed to education of any kind and since I got a 'D' in economics, you can imagine how I must feel about this so-called "economic development." I'm against healthcare and fully support the advance of all illnesses; viruses have rights, too, and it's time people stopped trampling them. What's more, I'm tired of candidate after candidate speaking out against crime. I am the pro-crime candidate. In fact, if elected, my entire staff will consist of convicted felons. I consider this a bold move for a politician, as generally officeholders tend to select future felons to handle their affairs. So it's like eliminating an entire, costly step in the process. Now that's efficiency and that's good government!
I hope I can count on my readers for support and if you're a reader who happens not to live in my district, perhaps you'd be interested in a job. Don't bother with a resume', but I will require a copy of your criminal history. If it's blank, don't bother. Thank you.
This idea came to me in a vision. No, vision isn't the correct word for it. Visit! That's it. I received a recent visit from a political canvasser who encouraged me to support a particularly homely candidate for State Senate. The young woman assured me the man for whom she so steadfastly campaigned was a "fresh face" with "new ideas." She was a nice lady and I accepted her brochures and offered my tentative support. After she left, I looked again at the candidate's face and wondered what a stale face looked like if his was meant to be so fresh. Then I read his vanguard ideas and nearly fell on the floor at their innovation and bravery. Here were the "big three" and brace yourself, because you've never seen anything like this:
1. Healthcare
2. Education
3. Economic Development
It didn't take long to realize I had, through perversely ill luck, happened across a loose cannon. The nerve of this guy advocating education in a pamphlet absolutely anyone could have read, assuming the person was literate. I won't go so far as to say the guy can't believe what he wants, but to recklessly distribute it like that seemed very irresponsible. I also learned this candidate is married and has a golden retriever named "Smokey". Clearly, this is a dangerous man.
To spare my community further ignominy, I have decided to run for State Senate myself. I feel my most worthy qualification is the fact I have no qualifications whatsoever. Furthermore, I'm fundamentally opposed to education of any kind and since I got a 'D' in economics, you can imagine how I must feel about this so-called "economic development." I'm against healthcare and fully support the advance of all illnesses; viruses have rights, too, and it's time people stopped trampling them. What's more, I'm tired of candidate after candidate speaking out against crime. I am the pro-crime candidate. In fact, if elected, my entire staff will consist of convicted felons. I consider this a bold move for a politician, as generally officeholders tend to select future felons to handle their affairs. So it's like eliminating an entire, costly step in the process. Now that's efficiency and that's good government!
I hope I can count on my readers for support and if you're a reader who happens not to live in my district, perhaps you'd be interested in a job. Don't bother with a resume', but I will require a copy of your criminal history. If it's blank, don't bother. Thank you.
posted by DM | 10:56 PM
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