Bring Back Urban Dance Squad!

Everything seems to have gone sour lately. There's nothing worth writing about; every problem, every subject, is either overexposed, tiresome or insignificant. It's not just a matter of whether anyone is interested in my opinion--I've been expressing opinions in the face of apathy for a year and a half now--but whether or not I'm interested in my own.

It's difficult to imagine some people developing a marked disinterest in their own opinions, although in many cases it would be refreshing. Suppose Rosie O'Donnell or Rush Limbaugh declared during the middle of a tirade, "But, in all honesty, what do I really know about it? Maybe I ought to defer to more knowledgeable people." Or what if Lou Dobbs, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter or James Carville declared, "I'm really not that smart, I'm just a loud-mouth. There's a difference between verbose and insightful and not everyone appreciates the distinction."

The most frustrating and worrisome thing about all these hectoring blowhards is that in confronting them, it's difficult not to come off like a hectoring blowhard yourself. How, indeed, does one combat those who never shut up? Perhaps the solution lies in the low-tech answer to nearly every problem: duct tape. It might even make for good radio or television, a talk show in which the host and all guests have duct tape over their mouths. As far as the content goes, who would notice the difference between the duct tape and non-duct tape programs?

Duct tape would also fit nicely over the mouth of Simon Cowell, who recently voiced his disdain for Bob Dylan and called Kelly Clarkson a "young Aretha Franklin." Although I personally like Bob Dylan's music, I feel it's anyone's right to dislike him, as everyone knows he can't sing, but Cowell must be smoking crack if he thinks Kelly Clarkson is anything resembling Aretha Franklin. This is not to denigrate Clarkson, who of all the "American Idol" contestants has forged the most impressive career for herself, but Aretha Franklin? Yes, and that Justin Timberlake reminds me so much of Marvin Gaye!

I think music could use some innovation right now, anyway. It seems to have stumbled into some very boring conventions, with most rappers sounding the same, most country artists sounding the same, most R&B sounding the same, and so on. This isn't, I'm sure, because no brave and innovative artists exist right now, but because most of us, my pathetic self included, are unaware of their presence. But what will it take to get some interesting and unconventional music back on the popular charts? Bring back Urban Dance Squad!